We need to teach our children things...

This week I was reminded that sometimes we assume that our children know basic life things, but they actually don't. 

There is a traditional mix served at weddings/functions called "sukmuk" that my children love (it is a mix of fennel seeds, nuts and tiny little candies). I took out a jar of it when entertaining guests recently and my kids ate half the jar (dishing it into little bowls for themselves). I was appalled. After the guests left I turned to them exasperated and said "don't you guys know that sukmuk is meant as an after-meal breath freshener that you eat like this" (I demonstrated by putting a small spoonful on my palm and popping it into my mouth). "It is not a dessert." 

"Ohhhhh." They said. They actually didn't know. I'd never told them, and neither had anyone else. They'd obviously never observed the way others ate it either. I realised that I couldn't expect them to observe an etiquette they didn't know about. 

It reminded me of something one of my friends had told me a few years back. Her 5 year old son had been waking up in the night and coming into her room, waking her up. She was finding these middle-of-the-night wakeups exhausting and wasn't sure what to do about it. Until she realised that the problem was that he didn't know what to do  when he found himself awake in the night, which is why he kept coming to find her. So she told him that if he wakes up and nothing is wrong, he could just take a sip of water and go back to sleep. So he did. Problem solved. 

Sometimes our children behave in ways that we don't approve of - they may seem rude or uncouth or just bother us unnecessarily.  They don't do it intentionally, sometimes they just don't know that their behaviour is inappropriate. Or they fail to rise to the occasion when we expect them to help carry heavy things, give up their seat for an elder, greet others - again, perhaps they simply don't know that they should be doing these things.

I've realised that if we want children that act in a certain way, that are well mannered, then we need to take the time and effort to teach them, train them. Some things don't come naturally. Alhamdulillah - and imagine that if we teach them things that please Allah swt, we will derive rewards every time they perform that action.