Good manners

My son spent some time at a friend's house recently. When he came back the mom messaged me and told me that she was impressed with my son's manners. Another mom who had given him a lift home told me the same thing.

I was pleasantly surprised. I was wondering if it was trained behaviour - we have always coached our kids to say thank you to their hosts, compliment meals, not enter rooms without knocking etc. I wondered if he had made an intentional effort to be well mannered.

So I asked my son what he had done to elicit such compliments. He didn't know. "I said jazakallah? Maybe?" He scratched his head. 

Curious, I asked the moms. "What did he do that you considered good manners?" The responses were simple. He said thank you, he made a point to greet everyone. 

These things were trained behaviours, alhamdulillah. But what pleased me was that, for my son, it had become a habit for him to do them - I no longer had to coach and remind him, he did it automatically, and he didn't even realise it. 

You see, good character, good manners, it is about the things you DO. The actions you perform and the things you say. Helping others carry heavy loads. Saying please and thank you. Complimenting others. Making dua for them. When you do them repeatedly that becomes your default - your habit. Habits are what define your character.

We have so much power as parents to mould our children's characters by instilling good habits in them regarding the way they relate to others.

Sometimes by telling them and reminding them, sometimes by demonstrating these things with our own behaviour. It's simple. Not neccessarily easy, but nonetheless, simple. May Allah guide us and help us to do this.

(And keep me and my children in your duas please, despite this positive experience, we are all still on a journey  - may Allah swt help my child to retain these habits and develop even better ones. Aameen.)